Unfixable
by AshleighHutcherson
Summary: Shane's life after Alyssa dies, and the story afterwards :  Please read and review!


**CHAPTER 1**

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><p><strong>AN**

Heya! I've had this story ready to be published for ages, so i hope you like it! Please review my story, if you do i'll review one of yours! This is my first story to be on fanfic...thankyou for reading!:)

Disclaimer - I do not own Morganville vampires, Richelle Mead does :l go away!

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><p>It was like everything slowed down when I heard of what had happened. Suddenly the world was cold and the floor beneath my feet felt like ice, sharp pains slammed into my stomach. But I couldn't really understand it yet; the words couldn't quite make themselves understandable. Physically, my body felt drained, but emotionally I was exploding inside. A hysterical laughter escaped my feeble lips, I was the burning house. Silently burning on the inside and invisible to anyone, soon I would explode as the flames broke me down.<p>

I was woken by Eve, that Goth girl who's in my social studies class. I had known her my whole life, well everyone knew each other in Morganville, but it surprised me that she would even bother trying to help me. I guess that under that scary, fierce exterior, she wasn't as killer as she looked.

"Shane? Are you alright?" she asked, her eyes cautiously sweeping over me. Probably wondering what she had got herself into.

But I honestly couldn't think of anything I could say to her.

Alyssa could be dead.

"Oh my God, Shane! I'm so sorry…" her face was completely full of sympathy, her red stained mouth making a little 'o', which made her look so animated, as if she was a cartoon character. I hadn't even realized I had said it aloud, and I think I was starting to make a scene. Then I realized that I was standing in the middle of the school hallway, class had just been let out and most were rushing home before it got dark. No one cared why I was being slow, they needed to beat the darkness home before it took you in and the Vamps came out and had a taste of your blood.

If only she had gone to school today.

I shrugged Eve off, she was still clutching onto my arm which was starting to cut off the circulation in my wrist. The pain snapped me out of my nightmares, and I starting running, my feet not listening to my head, my common sense. I should have taken the car, i was freezing even though the desert heat was making sweat dribble down my forehead, and I might become a snack if I wasn't careful. To hell with the vampires. I'd out run them all.

Just you watch me.

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><p>I hated hospitals, they smelled too clean. Everywhere you looked there was some kind of pain, either a kid getting a jab, a cancer patient receiving chemo or maybe a young girl, who was here because of a deadly fire. It wasn't that I was afraid, but the walk towards the front desk seemed dauntingly long. A small pristine blond women with a hallow face looked up towards me, but she knew who I was; I had gotten myself into enough fights to know everyone quite well here.<p>

"Oh Shane sweetie, your parents are right over there in Mr. Brisbane's office." she spoke with a very fragile voice, as if not wanting to break me, or as if she was frightened that I might smash her face in like I do to anyone else who got in my way.

"Thank you," I stammered. "I-I'm visiting Alyssa…"

A sudden realization was revealed on her face, but she didn't say anything more, just turned around back to her paperwork. Her eyes glazed over, as if I wasn't there.

I sluggishly made my way to the room and as soon as I opened the door, I saw my parents eyes glued to me. My mom's face was pink, flushed and irritated. Obviously she had been crying, but my dad just looked as solid as a rock. But he felt like a ghost, irritatingly silent and haunting.

"Oh good, you're here." My dad's voice quietly stated. "We have some horrible news son." He made a gesture suggesting I sit down in the chair beside my mother; I sat down, and very carefully closed my hand over hers. She let out a heartbreakingly violent sob, crying out her pain and grief. She was starting her mourning of a beautiful brown eyed girl who would never be with us again.

I didn't need to be told but as the doctor explained her death, the complications, the excuses as to how they couldn't defy human nature to save her, my façade broke. A single tear rolled down my cheek. Never before had I really cried before, I hadn't been the type of child who made a big deal out of a bruised knee or a broken toy. But it was as if I couldn't stop, my breathing became heavy panting as a river poured out of me. I had never felt so weak; I had never felt so broken.

I was a burning house, silently burning down unnoticed. But now the flames were out of control, and I would be demolished to the ground, without any hope. I was broken and unable to fix, I would never be the same again.

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><p>My hands were shaking as I opened Alyssa's locker at school. I had been asked to clear it out, and reluctantly, I had finally felt able to do it. But it felt wrong, like everyone was moving on swiftly, there were a lot of deaths in Morganville; she was just another number to most. Tomorrow was her memorial service, my parents had it all planned out. They had ordered hundreds of flowers and even though we weren't a religious family, had one of the barely used churches rented out for the occasion.<p>

Our house hadn't been burnt down completely; they had yet to find the source of the fire but my sister had been caught in the worst of it, and by the time that the fire services had finally reached the scene, Alyssa's lungs had collapsed because of the lack of oxygen. Her body had begun to burn. They found her downstairs in the living room, so most of the upstairs had been recovered. We hadn't lost anything particularly valuable or expensive, but our home was unlivable and the most ironic thing of all is that Alyssa's room had the least damage of the entire house; her stuffed animals were in mint condition, along with her jewelry and her art project that she must have been working on. But I didn't need any of that; all I wanted was my sister back.

This past week had gone incredibly slow, my mom spent most of her time buzzing around erratically, not really ever focusing on a certain task before scrambling onto another. She's just trying to fill all her spare time so that she wouldn't have to think of anything at all. She is an amazing women, my mom is; she didn't deserve this. Nobody does.

My dad hasn't took it the best way either, he's starting drinking a lot more lately and he hasn't come home for the last few nights. I would feel worried about him, but why should I care about him? He's barely been there for me, indulging himself with alcohol and when he is around, he's absent, not really with us but somewhere far away. He's always thinking and I can't seem to snap him out of it, which is scaring the hell out of me. But I can't tell him that. Not anymore, he's cut himself off.

Well, as for me? I've been acting like a zombie from one of my video games, I haven't talked to anyone, not even Michael who is basically my brother, I haven't really left the small apartment room except from today. The only time was when I stopped by the house, to finally face the damage that was taken. Want to know the reason I really went? Just so I can look at her stuffed animals and smell her flowery perfume. I pretend she's still with me, hogging the bathroom or pranking me in my sleep with her annoying friends, but I can't get it out of my mindless head that she's gone, that I will never see her again in my life. And even though the workers are ridiculously loud rebuilding the place, when I close my eyes in there, I can maybe just relax, and feel at peace if only for a moment.

Obviously I hadn't gone to school in the last week, nobody had asked why either. It was getting to lunch, so I hurriedly tossed the books into a bag before I suddenly heard a loud irritating clomping heading towards me. The devil spawn Monica Morell strut her way towards me, her beautiful long black hair bouncing up and down, and looking a little inappropriate for school. I didn't care how freaking hot she was, I hated her. Even the way she walked drove me insane; she looked over everyone like she was the queen and us, her worshipers who would never be worthy. I'd pissed her off enough that the deep feeling of hate was most defiantly mutual.

"Hey loser," she cackled, her smile sultry and devious. "I heard that that shabby little hut that you sadly call home burnt to the freaking ground." She tossed her head back laughing, but she didn't lose her composure for one second, her eyes piercing mine like daggers. "Wherever will you live now?" she innocently asked, fluttering her lashes sweetly.

My heart was beating at a million miles per hour, I felt like I needed to hit something; and Monica's face was the closest to my fist. "Dammit Monica, shouldn't you be in class? Or are you skipping yet again?" I turned my face away to hide my anger. Monica really couldn't stand rejection could she? Hell, ever since that time she tried it on with me she's been a lot bitchier lately.

"Oh, me? I've been sick all week long, decided to come in late today. Such a pity though, I wish I had been able to see your face when you heard the news!" She smiled maliciously, hiding a dirty secret.

"Thanks for the sympathy," I murmured, wanting to get the hell out of here.

"I really wonder how it started. Do you know, Shane?" she was biting her lip to keep something in, she was really starting to annoy me. Monica Morell was the last thing I needed right now, I wanted to get this over with.

I harshly shoved the rest of the items into the box before setting it down and looking her straight in the eye. If we were going to play this silly taunting game, I might as well give it all my effort. "What the hell do want to say you whiny little bitch? Just spit it out already."

"I just had an idea; maybe someone set the house alight? Oh who could it be though? Well, you don't seem to get along with many people, but we're cool right?" She stroked my arm then, giggling.

My head was a battlefield, my thoughts fighting one another. Was Alyssa's death my fault? Or was it that damn kid who made her catch the flu in the first place? But for once in the last week, my mind was suddenly blank and I finally heard silence. No I mustn't have heard her right…

"Monica, are you implying that you started the fire?" my voice was quiet; barely a whisper, but I could hear the fury deep down. Everything in my vision was tinted red with anger.

She put her hands up comically, "Oops! Guess you caught me. Wow, I'm really disappointed in myself, didn't take too long for you to figure it out, huh?" She thought it was a joke. That's all Alyssa meant to her, a way to get back at the only person who didn't bow down to kiss her feet. The only person who had enough guts to tell the world how they felt about her, or enough respect for themselves not to sleep with every slut he met.

My stomach had hit rock bottom, and my ears felt like they were bleeding ferociously. "You killed Alyssa." I raised my eyes to meet hers, "You're a killer!" I boomed, unable to restrain myself any longer, I felt like all the confusion and fury that had been boiling inside me suddenly had a target. It was anorexic, pretty dumb and vicious.

I ran forwards in blind rage, slamming her into the lockers and knocking the breath out of her skinny, tanned little body. My hand squeezed into a fist, and I lifted it ready for full impact. Ready to punish her for all the hell she caused for me and my family. I was going to do it for my mom, my dad, for Alyssa's friends and teachers, her role models and idols. But mostly I wanted to do this for myself…

My body was pulled back with immense strength, prying me off of Monica. Michael Glass was stopping me from avenging my sister's death. I wasn't a murderer; I only wanted to leave her with a couple of ugly bruises for a memory, of what she was and how responsible she was for it all.

"Michael! Get off me!" My face was blown up, furious and ready for the fight. "Don't you understand? She killed her, Monica Morell killed my sister!" Eventually I gave up; I was exhausted as I had been all week and I wasn't going to be able to hurt her now, not with my best friend as her freaking security guard there.

So again I closed my eyes, as I slowly let my back slide down against the ugly red lockers until I sat on the dirty school floor. I drew my knees to my head and started to cry.

I don't know how long we sat there in silence, but as soon as I heard the bell ring I looked up. For the first time in my life Monica's face was completely free of a smirk, and her eyes were wide open in shock. She was a startled fawn, scared and ready to flee at the first movement. Michael looked as if he wanted to say something, but was too struck with surprise to be able to get a word of anger or sympathy out.

I stood fast and turned my face to the locker, I refused to ever let any in these cruddy halls see me cry again. My hands sluggishly reached out and took the only thing remaining in Alyssa's locker: a beautiful red claddagh ring. My mom had given it to her, it wasn't really worth anything price wise, but to me? This was the most important thing I could ever have found right now. I slipped it into the front pocket of my tattered jeans, before picking up the bag beside me and turning around to see her.

"I swear to God Shane, I had no idea that she was in the house." She choked out, showing the only humanity I had ever seen in that face. But before you knew it, she realized that her guard was down and that her sea of followers was starting to fill up the halls. She swiped the sympathy clean off her face. "Well really it's your fault that she died; guess you shouldn't have pissed me off so much." She threw a look of satisfaction toward me, but I so didn't buy a single part of her act. She was just a damn good actress.

"Doesn't matter if you didn't know, you're a heartless slag and you know it." A tear escaped from her eye. I caught it, but before anyone else could, she whipped her hair and pranced down out of the school, slamming the doors on her way out.

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><p>The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, I went and got a nice blue shirt for tomorrow and just wondered around, I stopped at this coffee place down near the university just to relax. That hippie guy who owns the place served me with a sad smile; it was obvious everyone already knew about Monica, new spread like wild fire in a town as small as this. But no one came over to say they were sorry for my loss or how they knew how I felt, nobody did. No one had a sister like mine, we may have fought a lot but that didn't mean we didn't like to rock out on guitar hero sometimes or give each other a hug every now and again. You needed that in Morganville, some love to get you through the crappy days.<p>

When I was sitting there completely isolated, relaxing to the buzz of the college students chatting or panicking about a chemistry test that they hadn't studied for today, it really made me jump when I felt a hand touch my shoulder.

I basically jumped out of my seat, a girl who really pretty in a weird kind of way was standing there in front of me. "Hey, I'm Kim." She said, "I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry about your sister." And for the first time, someone looked me right in the eyes since she died. Not afraid of me or feeling awkward, but just full on confidence that her comment had made my day, it hadn't, but I needed some human contact right now.

"Thanks I, uh, really appreciate it." I stuttered nervously.

Now I don't really know how any thing happened, I remember her sitting down and me ranting on about how I hated myself for not being there, how I wanted to strangle Monica for what she did and about my family's suffering; my pain. We must have sat there for an hour or so when she asked if I wanted to go back to her place, that she had just rented it out and if I needed somewhere to stay then I was completely welcome.

I also can remember getting there by calling the only taxi in town and her showing me her art work and boasting about how she was going to be in the town play this year as Juliet. But the last thing I can really remember was her getting out some vodka and showing me her barmaid skills, her fancy tricks. After that it's a blur. Laughing, drinking, maybe even a bit of dancing and then slowly undressing her…

So now when I wake up, I'm in her bed and I have the worst hangover ever. My head is pounding and when I try to sit up the world whooshes forwards before me. I'm just dealing with what an ass I am, sleeping with a random girl I barely knew and don't really care about. After drowning in my regret I looked over to the alarm clock that is sending a roaring siren alarm in my head.

10:45.

Oh shit.

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><p>I was late, I barely made it there in time to take my seat before it the music started playing and everyone stood. I felt kind of bad leaving Kim in bed after using her shower, eating her food and well…sleeping with her, but honestly I couldn't care less right now. I got death glares when I looked to my parents, obviously being fifteen, having sleepovers with hot punk chicks really wasn't cool. That didn't mean I hadn't done it before.<p>

The ceremony was alright, but I was really surprised about the number of people who turned up. We sung 'Amazing Grace' halfheartedly and shared memories about her together. You know that people say that funerals kind of help you with your loss? Well those people haven't actually lost anyone. It really does suck.

I mean it just brought back all the memories we had, it made me realize how much I missed her, her laugh, her smile. But it seemed to give others a better peace of mind, everyone dropped a white tulip into her grave, but me, I thought of something better. Probably the first time I had ever been so sentimental in my life; I dropped in this old stuffed bear that she loved. You know when you start getting to old for toys? Well my parents gave him to her and hell, I put up such a fight being the whiney brat I was…am. All these years I kept it through a rainfall and tears and tantrums, it just felt so right dropping that into her grave. It was like giving her part of me.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe someday I won't hurt so much at the sound of her name. But I swear I will never, ever in my life, forget her.

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><p><em><strong>please review! if you do...there'll be more Shane ;) and he's just freaking hot!<strong>_


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